M.I.A. Page 8

  “Because you weren’t clear headed,” the doctor cut in. “And then when you hurt your leg, your body produced a bunch of adrenaline along with the endorphins that you’d already generated from the run, not to mention the drugs. It all combined to confuse you.”

  Jane leaned on her crutches. She wished she’d told Brian to leave before the doctor had started his lecturing. She wasn’t in the mood to be humiliated. As tears started to cascade down her face Jane turned away from the doctor and hid her face from Brian.

  “I know this isn’t an easy thing to hear. All I’m saying is that given present circumstances, I’d look into some substance management help. And I would do this independent of your other doctor.”

  With that the room fell silent again. Slowly the doctor pushed himself to his feet and then he quietly walked out.

  Jane sat very still, barely able to control her whimpers, when suddenly she broke down. Her body racked with sobs as Brian sat next to her, putting his arm around her and telling her that everything was going to be all right. But Jane had stopped believing that everything was going to be all right a long time ago. There was no way that everything was going to be all right. How could anyone really believe that when she sat where she sat, wondering where things had gone wrong in her life. It had something to do with her husband, Kyle, going missing. That much was certain.

  As Jane and Brian walked out of the hospital and got in his car, she couldn’t imagine her life without him. The whole drive home she’d wanted to talk to him about it, to tell him how she felt, to tell him how much she appreciated him. Jane didn’t want Brian to think that she was taking him for granted. He hadn’t really needed to come pick her up from the hospital, she could have taken a cab. After mustering up the courage over the course of about fifteen minutes, it was like a damn broke inside of her.

  “Brian, I just want you to know how much you mean to me,” Jane said. “I want you to know that I appreciate everything you are doing for me right now. I know that I have a lot to work on, and that things between us aren’t going to be able to really flourish until I figure my shit out. So please know that I really do love you for all of this.”

  She looked over at Brian and saw how white his knuckles were as he clenched the steering wheel.

  “Brian, I …”

  “Don’t,” Brian said. “I mean, don’t say sorry. It’s all right. Now is a confusing time for both of us, and especially for you. That’s something that I need to keep in mind. I think I was a little hard on you the last time we spoke about the drug use. And I know that you have since agreed with my estimation of the situation, but I really do think that it was pretty easy, and overly simplistic, for me to just say something like ‘You have a problem,’ and then fade into the background. I just hope you understand that I’m trying to deal with all of this just like you are. It’s hard for me to get it all right the first try, I guess is what I’m trying to say.”

  Jane’s whole body relaxed, and she sagged against the door. Jane looked out the window and saw that Brian was pulling his car into the parking lot of the public lake near her house. She didn’t come here anymore, not since Kyle had gone missing.

  Brian parked without a word. It was a big lake, with a birdwatching boardwalk that spanned a good amount of the lake’s shallow water. It was absolutely serene once you got out on the middle of the pedestrian only bridge.

  They sat, both looking at the horizon.

  “What we going to do?” She asked without breaking her gaze at the line where water met sky.

  Brian shook his head without saying anything. Jane looked at him and noticed some gray hair where there hadn’t been any before. It was telling that it had appeared in the last few months. She wondered how much gray hair she was sporting now that things had gotten bad in her life. She made a mental note to check her silky black hair when she got home.

  “We’re lucky that it’s so nice out today,” Brian said. “And I feel peace when I come here.”

  Jane nodded, partially thankful that he had avoided her question. It was a very nice day, unseasonably warm, and the wind carried the smell of summer on its breath. She leaned against the car door and took a deep breath of fresh air out her open window.

  “I hope I’m not in trouble with my work,” she said out loud to no one in particular.

  “You aren’t,” Brian said. “I went in and spoke with your boss.

  “Thank you. What would I do…fish!” She shrieked excitedly pointing to the rings on the water where the silver bodied creature had surfaced.

  “Holy shit,” Brian said. “Did you see the size of that?!”

  A few other fish, smaller in size, began to jump as well. Brian started talking about how everyone always said the fishing here was terrible, and yet here were game fish trying to escape predators in the water. Suddenly, the air was pierced with the long, forlorn sound of an eagle calling out across the water.

  It was good to be reminded that the world was much bigger than her and her problems; that there were enormous forces moving every day. Many of them did so with such subtlety that she barely noticed until it was over—such as the seasons changing. Brian reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.

  “Man, wouldn’t it be something to see them snatch a fish right in front of us?” he said.

  The eagles circled high above them for a few minutes, and it wasn’t until the fish started jumping out of the water with greater frequency that their circles started to tighten and lower. Soon, the great birds were only one hundred sixty or so meters above them, although the circle they flew didn’t ever leave the borders of the lake.

  “This is so cool,” Jane said, squeezing Brian’s hand back. “I’ve never seen them like this before.”

  Jane was talking so quietly that she wasn’t sure that Brian had heard her until she glanced over at him to see that he was getting ready to say something. Right then one of the eagles came straight down at the water like a lightning bolt. Just when Jane thought that the eagle was going to hit the water, it threw its wings out and plucked a fish out of the air so neatly that Jane wondered how it was even possible. Then, without any fuss, the big bird flapped back up into the air and headed toward the nest.

  “Man, that was something!” Brian said.

  “Well, it doesn’t look like the other eagle is going to try for it,” Brian said, stretching over the steering wheel. Just then his phone rang, “Hello,” he said. “Yes, this is him. What? Really? I’ll have to … Yes, of course. I understand. I’ll be over shortly.”

  Brian looked shaken up.

  “What’s the matter?” Jane asked. “Is something wrong?”

  “Someone broke into my house and really trashed the place,” Brian said. “They can’t be sure, obviously, because they aren’t me, but the officer said it looks more like vandalism than theft.”

  They both turned away from the lake, from the serene solitude they had been enjoying with each other, realizing that life hadn’t stopped while they had taken time out to collect themselves.

  “I’ll drive you home first,” Brian said. “I don’t want you to get stuck waiting around for the police. It could take an hour or so to fill out paperwork and a statement.

  They drove in silence to Jane’s house. The sun was setting in the sky, changing it to hues of red and yellow. She tried to stay positive, reminding Brian that he had home owner’s insurance.

  She had him cheered up for most of the ride, and even got him to laugh when she reminded him that had been talking about becoming a true minimalist for a while now. This would just speed up that process.

  When they pulled into her driveway the smile on Brian’s face was replaced with one of horror. Jane followed his gaze and gasped. What could have possibly happened?

  Nearly all of the windows were broken, and not just cracked, but smashed out completely. Her clothes had been strewn across the yard, and through the hedges. There were piles trash everywhere. A piece of it fluttered in the breeze, and came sailing to press itse
lf against Jane’s window. It was a picture of her and Kyle from a few years ago. She didn’t get a chance to look closely at it, before the wind snatched it away.

  “No!” Jane screamed.

  With an ear-splitting wail, she opened her door and limped out onto her lawn. The ground that wasn’t covered in slush was soggy from the day’s melt. It wasn’t just pictures that had been scattered across the yard, but also other papers of hers that she had kept safely locked away.

  She tried to pick up as much as she could, and started to sob when she realized how many memories were ruined. Brian called the police and then helped her, and in thirty or so minutes they had cleared the lawn of debris. While Jane sat on her front porch, Brian checked the rest of the house to make sure it was safe, and that whoever had done this wasn’t just sitting inside waiting for an opportunity to hurt her.

  “Who would do this?” Brian asked when he returned. “I just don’t understand. All of the mirrors are smashed and I … I can’t even bring myself to speak of it. But you need to know before you go in there.”

  “What are you talking about?” Jane asked.

  “Someone has spray-painted messages to you all over the house. They broke all the mirrors. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to go in there right now.”

  “What do the messages say?”

  Brian wouldn’t answer her. He wouldn’t even look at her.

  “Jane, I just think you need to trust me on this one. Wait for the police to get here before you go messing up any potential evidence.” Brian said.

  All she wanted was to get past him to see what had been written on her walls. He only tried to block her way for a moment before he stepped aside, slumping low, like a man who’d been punched in the stomach.

  Jane rushed room to room, with tears running down her face like a faucet had been cracked open. She couldn’t believe the destruction, and she also couldn’t imagine what would possess someone to write CHEATING WHORE on her walls. There were others as well: BITCH, LIAR, and UNFAITHFUL. All of the things that she had held dear to her—memories of Kyle and their life together—had been smashed, dashed against the floor and bludgeoned by a hammer that had been left on the dining room table.

  “I’m sorry this is happening,” Brian said coming up behind her. “And, well, I’m sorry about something else as well. There is something that I should have brought up to you in the hospital. It’s just hard to tell someone this. I’m still processing it myself.”

  Jane stopped crying and looked at Brian through her hands. Her mascara was running down her face in black streams. She had it on her hands and she knew it had to be all over her face.

  “What didn’t you tell me?” Jane was almost yelling. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “The feds think someone has assumed Kyle’s identity.”

  “What?!”

  “I know it sounds crazy,” Brian said. “But we have to remember that we are dealing with international politics right now, and not just that, but someone who might be a no shit spy for another country.”

  “Why would he pretend to be Kyle,” Jane sobbed. “Brian, what is going on?”

  Brian told her what the people who were watching them had told him: They thought that someone was trying to be Kyle to take advantage of a grieving widow. It had been done before by criminals who pretend to be children that have been abducted.

  “Excuse me,” a voice came up behind them. It wasn’t a uniformed police officer, but Jane could tell by his bearing that he was some kind of law enforcement person. Brian knew him.

  “Jane, uhh…” Brian said. “This is special agent Tony. Or that’s what he told me to call him, anyway. He was the one that informed me that they suspect someone is in the country who might try to impersonate Kyle.”

  “Hello,” Jane said, trying to get the quiver out of her voice.

  “Why, hello…” the special agent said, “…to both of you. I have some bad news, Brian.”

  “This is what my house looks like?” Brian ventured a guess.

  “Yup,” Tony said. “Same exact thing. First and foremost, you two should probably arm yourselves at all times. If you are comfortable with it, that is. Secondly, we’ll be putting you both up in hotels tonight while we investigate this mess. We’ll have a government-run contracting business come in and fix everything good as new. I know that you’re both going through a lot right now, so I’m speaking about these things a little nonchalantly because I don’t want to further stress either of you out. But both of you need to realize how serious this is. Don’t give us any push back. I don’t want to deal with you two being uncooperative. Not that I’m anticipating anything of that nature, but I’m just trying to be clear from the get go what my expectations are so that everything will go smoothly.”

  Brian nodded, and had a seat next to Jane.

  “We’ll have you back in your homes by the end of the week, and you can put this behind you and go about your lives,” Tony said.

  “What do you mean go about our lives,” Brian said while motioning around the room. “It’s one thing to fix and replace things, but what about this will you be able to cleanse from our memory? This is completely and totally insane!”

  Tony motioned for Brian to lower his voice.

  “Listen, I know it’s fucked up, all right?” Tony said, talking in a much more candid tone. “But right now, we aren’t even sure what’s going on. We’ll be able to get more resources on the case because things have escalated.”

  The rest of the day blurred for Jane. She was sure to grab her medication before she left the house, though. Just because she needed to clean up her act didn’t mean that she was going to stop taking medication that calmed her down. When they got to the hotel Jane took bath, and then entered a dream-filled, drug induced sleep.

  Chapter 16

  Jane found herself in the clutches of a great bird, but not like the fish she’d watched this morning. Instead, the larger than possible eagle cradled her gently in his enormous claws. The flesh on the claw felt smooth, like a turkey’s foot. They were cruising over the city, and below them, civilization appeared to be on fire.

  Even though they were so high up in the sky, Jane didn’t feel any anxiety. And even though she didn’t know where they were headed, it didn’t stop her from enjoying the ride.

  Her mind rushed back to her, waking her up; her consciousness aware, but still trapped in the cocoon of an unresponsive body.

  When her brain and body finally caught up to each other, she hoped that there was enough time to grab a cup of coffee with Brian and figure out their next steps.

  “Something isn’t right,” Brian said.

  They were in his hotel room, and he’d made coffee in the tiny little coffee maker that had been part of the room’s furnishings. He looked terrible, and Jane knew there was no way that he’d gotten any sleep. She realized that she’d never seen him worn thin before, and had no idea how all the stress would affect him.

  There was his PTSD to take into account, as well. Even though he never talked about it, she knew that Brian suffered from mild PTSD ever since the war. He always seemed in control, but now that things were going sideways, he seemed to be losing it.

  “No shit. Dammit, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok. That’s probably the most honest response that I could’ve asked for right now,” Brian said, taking a long sip of his coffee. “I mean, it would be nice to be able to get to sleep. You know what I mean?” Brian said.

  Often, people who had been overseas to fight in the war would turn to caffeine as a kind of security blanket, and then just keep drinking and drinking it. It helped them overcome symptoms of PTSD, like lack of motivation and the general lethargy that’s associated with depressive states.

  “Do you think it’s possible that Kyle is acting out some kind of PTSD, or something like that?” Jane said. “I don’t mean to assume more than I know, or insult you by any means. I’m just trying to figure out what could be going on.”
<
br />   Brian stared down into his coffee cup as if trying to decipher the future from its creamy depths.

  “Jane, I really have no idea what’s going on with my brother,” Brian said. “As far as I’m concerned, Kyle has been dead for over a year now. Even if something bad happened to him, I can’t imagine him coming after us the way someone did. No, I don’t think it was him…”

  Jane found it strange to hear Brian’s voice trail off so much in a single day. In the past, he had been so confident, but now he seemed shaken—and badly so.

  Brian slumped down in his chair and looked around the cheap hotel room’s wallpaper. It was old, and had that gross brown tinge that decades of smoking left on everything.

  “Some of the things that had been scattered around your bedroom had come from the gun safe. The gun safe hadn’t been tampered with. So, whoever was in there either knew the combo, or cracked it.”

  “Fuck” Jane said quietly.

  “Exactly,” Brian said. “So, we don’t know for sure that it was Kyle, but it sure looks like it.”

  “Or someone that just wants to make it look like it’s Kyle.” Jane said.

  Jane wanted to get going. She didn’t want to sit around and listen to Brian talk conjecture that they could neither prove nor deny. But Brian was on a roll. He kept going, and Jane let him trail on for about five minutes.

  She felt her stomach sinking as she realized she needed to pick up the slack and be the stronger person now. Brian had been doing it for her up to that point, and he never even complained about it, or even so much as mentioned it.

  No wonder Brian was having kind of a hard time with it. He’d spent the last day taking care of her, and then when he wanted to go home and gather the things that made his life livable, he wasn’t allowed to because his house was vandalized.

  “Brian, we’ll go to your place and get a change of clothes and see if you and I can see anything the police couldn’t, all right?” Jane said.